If you have read my book, you may recall the part where I felt wrapped in a warm embrace early on in my recovery. It was the very beginning of my awakening, and the realisation that I was loved and safe. My painting captures that feeling perfectly.
"One particularly hard night quite early on in my recovery journey, I was extremely emotionally distressed. I felt hopeless. Never could I possibly feel such deep love for another man. I missed the thought of him, the idea of our life together. Even if it was all just an illusion. I was lying in bed, feeling sorry for myself, when every feeling of hurt swept in.
All my feelings of worthlessness, that had been reinforced through his relentless abuse, overwhelmed me. The hair pulling, the hate, the feelings of desperation as I tried to hold on to something that was clearly not good for me. It all swept over me like a strong tide coming in, threatening to suck me back out into a sea of darkness.
Suddenly though, I felt embraced by an intense warmth. The comforting sensation of a gentle embrace wrapping around my head and shoulders. Then I heard the gentle whispering of a voice telling me I was loved. That I was beautiful and courageous and kind. I eventually fell asleep in that embrace, and when I woke up the next morning, I felt a renewed sense of comfort and stillness that came from deep within. I can't fully explain that experience, but I know it was real."
It was from that point on that things really changed for me. I understood that whatever love I was seeking from someone else; it was abundantly there inside of me. I didn’t need anyone else to make me feel loved. Discovering that was the first step to finding real inner peace.
AN EXCERPT '
FROM THE OTHER SIDE'- we all have a story we will never tell' by Jacquelyn Ann
Artwork is my own.