It was 19 months ago today that I took that first step to changing what my life had become. I consider it a birthday of sorts. Or maybe a re-birthing day. The day I chose to plug back into life. To leave behind the chaos of ugly, greed, control and powerless despair as I felt myself slowly dying inside.
Today I only look back to think about how far I have come.
From where I was; when I felt alone and broken. The life I had before he came along was a distant memory. The world felt unsafe and full of pain and suffering. I was disconnected to my heart space, to my 'I Am Essence'.
I think about the moment when I began to exert my free will. When I realised the chains I had been bound in were really only within my own mind. That I had a choice. When I left the people, places and situations that were toxic and I left the monsters behind. The day I changed the story and the chapter I was in. When I began to finally realise my worth.
I think about how, as I began to resonate with my own authenticity, I began to attract like-minded souls and repulse negativity. How when I changed my perspective, I could watch my earth walk evolve.
I think back now to where I was last year and the year before that. The things I used to worry about that no longer consume my thoughts. The relationship that wasn't healthy yet how would I ever escape it? The things I was told I could never do, but did. The things I never thought I would accomplish but have.
All those things are worth reflecting on and feeling grateful for. They are valuable reminders that no matter what happens next, whether it's a year from now or 5 years from now, I will be okay. They remind me that I am the artist of my life and to never give the paintbrush to someone else again.
Healing is hard at first and messy in the middle. But without it, I would have remained stuck in the darkness, wallowing in self pity, bound by resentment, with no clue of what moving towards the light could bring. A deep sense of self-awareness. A strong sense of spirituality. Renewed joy and gratitude for all that I have and the people who support and love me. A healthy mind and body. And a deeply resonating purpose to help others.
"The task ahead of you is never as great as the Power within you."- Norm Bouchard